Couchsurfing’s Sex Secret: It’s The Greatest Hook-Up App Ever Devised
Riccardo agrees to host only female travelers and stipulates that they be younger than him. Well, it makes sense to this layperson, at least. Well, some people are on a very regular schedule so to speak and nearly always go around the same time in the morning or evening, so not at work.
"Get in my bed"
Everyone should be the office pooper. Yes, my password is: Depending on where he lives, though, his truck may not be distinctive. And take care of yourself and your emotional wellbeing. I am the Office Pooper.
Once again, he lost. That he pled his case within its existing structures, and that he rarely spoke to the press, indicates a commitment to the institution that ran deep. The affair went quiet for a year. He attended PTA meetings for his five children, took them to Sunday school, and went to the movies with his wife, Helen. On the morning of Monday, November 21, , Bang-Jensen kissed his wife goodbye and walked out the front door of their home in Long Island. He ran into a neighbor, Mr.
Wetzler, who gave him a ride to the bus stop. He was found, two days later on the morning of Thanksgiving, laid out on a bridle path in Alley Pond Park, a seven-minute drive from his house. Two locals, walking their dogs through the gray fallen leaves, discovered the body. A bullet had gone through his right temple.
In his right hand was a pearl-handled revolver. Even after his two-day disappearance, his face, under a mat of blood, was clean-shaven. Hunter to the United Nations. Almost immediately, the question of foul play arose. Who were the hidden forces mentioned in the suicide note, people wondered?
Where had Bang-Jensen been for the two days of his disappearance? If the diplomat was left-handed, why was the gun found in his right hand? Had Bang-Jensen really killed himself in a fit of depression over his ousting from the U. Congress thought so too. In , they launched an investigation in the Bang-Jensen case, questioning both U. The committee did not comment on the judicial procedures at the U.
But the committee was very interested in whether a political assassination had occurred on American soil. The investigation created as many mysteries as it solved. The Senate report uncovered that Bang-Jensen had spoken of suicide as a way to get his family funds from his U. Friends and family reported depression after his dismissal from the U.
Frederick Friedenborg six times. Friedenborg had prescribed Bang-Jensen sleeping pills, which Bang-Jensen did not make a practice of using. The pharmacist who filled the prescription testified that it was never refilled. Nonetheless, the coroner reported that Bang-Jensen was sedated at the time of his death.
Regarding his mental state, the Senate Committee surfaced another shocking document, a memo from Bang-Jensen to Helen discovered and published by the far-right, anti-Communist Alice Widener. Though incredible, none on the committee questioned that it might be real. If any note was found to the opposite effect in my hand-writing, it would be fake.
The letter was dated November 30, It was the habit of the meticulous Bang-Jensen to date all his correspondence to the day. The committee did not come to a conclusion on the Bang-Jensen mystery. But it did publish a report on the facts of the case, including facts that pointed to suicide and others that pointed to murder.
Inserted in the report was a list of corrections to factual errors that were discovered after the report was bound and printed. Bang-Jensen would, no doubt, have found more.
Ultimately, he argues, far from jeopardizing the long-term legitimacy of the United Nations, Bang Jensen safeguarded it. In his rebellion, he had carried on U. But unexpected individuals can realize them. Even when the arc of progress swings ethical institutions into being, individuals must continue to carry those ethics forward in their individual actions, particularly when those institutions falter.
The Bang-Jensen case may be a story of a man experiencing post-war stress, tormenting his colleagues with paranoia, depression and ultimately suicide. Or, it may be the tale of a coordinated campaign to silence a whistleblower. Ultimately, it is a story of a man who believed entirely in the importance of truth and facts, in promises, and in resisting the very institutions we love when they fall short of their moral mandate.
She worked as a guide at the local Union Church, leading tour groups through the history and stories of the Chagall and Matisse stained glass windows that a Rockefeller had commissioned for the church. The prized centerpiece of the luminous collection, the one Helen must have often paused at during her tours to relate the story of its subject, was the Good Samaritan. Fed up with the crooked local machine, GIs took to the streets with rifles and ran them out of town.
Wise had a problem. He was about to lose his job, and he had to watch it happen. Wise had been posted at the city waterworks office on North Madison Street in Athens, Tennessee, since before nine a. Wise and the others had allegedly pilfered money from the citizens of McMinn County for more than a decade. They had also allegedly murdered two GIs during the war. But now the town had finally had enough. The glares made Windy scared and angry. Someone needed to do something, he thought. Tom Gillespie, a black farmer, stepped inside the waterworks to cast his vote.
He came in strong and confident. He worked for a beloved Quaker family, and like them, Gillespie was a proud and peaceful man. He produced his poll tax receipt to the election officials and received a ballot.
As he stepped up to cast his vote the sweat-soaked Windy blocked his path with a wild look in his eyes, like an animal cornered by its own hubris. Everything in the room seemed to cease motion. The room was hot and stuffy. After a moment, Gillespie spoke. Windy was a thug, a bully; to back down would be tantamount to defeat. All he knew was to plow forward. Tom Gillespie turned and fled, spurred along with a hard shove.
But Gillespie was determined to vote. It was his right, and no corrupt, racist deputy was going to stop him. He collected himself, opened the door to the precinct, and walked back into the waterworks. He leaned against a wall with his arms folded defiantly and glared. When Windy saw him he flew into a rage. Then he jerked his pistol from its holster and fired a bullet into Tom Gillespie. B efore the battle, there was the parade. On a cool Saturday in November , ten months before Windy Wise shot Tom Gillespie for participating in democracy, the folks of McMinn County celebrated the end of a world war against fascism.
Some 3, young men, ten percent of the county, had enlisted in the armed forces and fought across Europe and the Pacific, participating in heavy combat in places like Guadalcanal and Normandy.
More than had been killed. But the war was over. Flags snapped and shuddered in the autumn wind as the crowd cheered with an uncommon roar. But the mood amongst some of the GIs as they marched down North Jackson Street was somewhat less than jovial. Trouble had long been brewing at home. Sherriff Mansfield, a transplant from Georgia, had come into the office on the coattails of newly elected State Senator Paul Cantrell.
Mansfield quickly turned the county into a veritable cash register for himself and the deputies. The more arrests they made, the more money they earned. All this came to a low boil during the war when two service members on leave were killed by deputies while at a pair of nearby roadhouses, according to a article by Theodore H.
If democracy was good enough to put on the Germans and the Japs, it was good enough for McMinn County, too! The problems in the county only compounded once the GIs returned home flush with savings. Well, deputies running around four or five at a time grabbing up every GI they could find and trying to get that money off of them… They were kind of making a racket out of it. When these things happened, the GIs got madder — the more GIs they arrested, the more they beat up, the madder we got.
The corruption in McMinn County was, at least in shades, part-and-parcel for the state, which was under the influence of a political machine run by old-school Democratic boss E. The veterans had an uphill battle.
In an early meeting with veterans, Otto Kennedy, a Republican adviser to the fledgling party, made it plain that the establishment party would cook the books unless they deployed poll watchers on Election Day. Kennedy recommended 50 armed men placed at each voting precinct. Yet the veterans were reluctant to surround polling precincts with weapons. Organize to keep them from taking the election.
So I got out and started organizing with a bunch of GIs. I had 30 men and… I took what mustering out pay I got and bought pistols. T he county was up early on Election Day, August 1, It was a Thursday. As early as 7: Tensions between the deputies and the GIs were high. Veterans patrolled the polling stations with guns strapped to their waists.
The GIs had learned from old party members all the tricks used to cook the vote. One method involved killing the power to the polling station and swapping rigged ballot boxes in the darkness. Another involved simply miscounting the votes — one opposition vote counted for a half-dozen or so incumbent votes, according to Byrum. The problems began almost immediately.
When a GI poll watcher asked that a ballot box be opened to verify it as empty, he was promptly arrested. In Etowah, on the east side of the county, a GI election judge was tossed out of a precinct and hauled off by police when he demanded a ballot box be inspected. No matter who won, people on both sides would have to live together once the election was over. This was an election that would define the social landscape of a rural county in a region baked with grudges and feuds that were as old as the hills.
The old guard felt change in the air — change they could not stop. After Gillespie had been carted away, Pat Mansfield motored from the county jail with a carload of deputies and sealed off the waterworks. Inside, the vote counting had begun. The deputies pushed out the GI poll watchers. The counters, with deputies lording over them, tallied five Democratic votes for every one non-partisan vote. Once finished, the deputies absconded with the boxes to what they presumed was a safe place to dispose of the true ballots — the county jail.
After word went out that the count had been corrupted, Athens boiled into a rage. For those who showed up unarmed, White and his cadre of veterans raided the nearby National Guard armory for rifles. Bill White was a rugged brawler. He loved to fight. He had been through some of the toughest campaigns in the early part of the Pacific campaign. He led 60 armed veterans near the campus of Tennessee Wesleyan College, not far from the jail, where he split them into two groups, which took up positions that largely surrounded the jail.
But they left the rear uncovered. Give up the ballot boxes! A voice rang out from amongst the guns aimed at the jail: When veterans Harold Powers and Edgar Miller tried to cross the street, a deputy fired a shotgun from inside the jail, wounding them in the neck and shoulder. A pistol shot and a burst from a submachine gun followed it. Byrum speculates the shot might have been designed not to wound, but simply to scare off the crowd of veterans. If so, it failed. The veterans opened fire, which was returned by the deputies.
For a good 30 minutes both sides snapped at each other, then the fire settled into pace according to mood and whim — sometimes rising, other times falling. Windows were shot out; streetlights, shingles, pebbles and whole chunks of masonry and brick were chipped from the thick jail walls. According to Byrum, a radio used to monitor the battle four blocks away was shot out by a stray bullet. The fighting continued off-and-on for the rest of the evening and into the early morning, with both sides refusing to budge.
The veterans had a great position and the spiritual weight of the town in their corner. Mansfield and his deputies had the jail as a fortress and the weighty preponderance and presumption of law and order in theirs. Who would break first was simply a matter of time and logistics, unless some convening force intervened. No one is sure where the veterans found the dynamite.
Byrum suggested it came from a nearby hardware store, but other sources claim that men from another county brought it after hearing reports of the fighting on the radio. The first stick rolled under a nearby car, flipping it upside down with the explosion. The second blew up in the grass.
The third time, however, men taped together a few sticks of dynamite into one large charge. This is where the story splits. According to Byrum, the dynamite was tossed from the Jeep like the first time. Crawled back behind the building there and it went off and blew the porch up. I had this other big charge so I went up and laid it right up against the jail.
When it went off it jarred that jail. T he political situation in McMinn County quieted down once the deputies surrendered and the ballots could be counted without interference. By August 5, the vote tally showed the GI candidate for sheriff, a veteran named Knox Henry, along with their candidates for trustee, circuit court clerk, and register of deeds, had all won handily. Later that day, Paul Cantrell conceded the election.
He left McMinn County and never returned. The veterans, for all their good intentions, had violated something that had been a tenant of American politics since the Whiskey Rebellion: Many of them could have been arrested and tried under an assortment of federal charges, even if they were in the right.
Yet no charges were ever brought down on any veteran or organizer. He was sentenced to a stunningly light one- to three-year prison stretch for shooting Tom Gillespie, who made a full recovery. Some GIs wanted blood, revenge for old wrongs, scores settled in old South ways — eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. They wanted me to control the GIs. I had 16 fights in one weekend. White stated that the profit-based policing, which launched so much grief prior to the election, remained in play for another four years.
Aside from a wave of initial press reporting and a few minor copycats, the Battle of Athens was inevitably buried in the soil of the town and pressed into lore. The old party loyalties in the county resurfaced as if hard-wired into the psyche of the region. O n a hot and humid night last June, I steered my car over twisting country roads toward a small lakeside town for a romantic rendezvous. I had spent the day at a funeral, reflecting on the fact that at fifty, I had more miles behind me than ahead.
Oddly, my paramour had also spent the day at a funeral, and as the summer sun disappeared we made plans to meet halfway between our towns for a drink. It was nearly eleven when I turned my car onto Main Street, and James was growing impatient. We were speaking on the phone when I caught a glimpse of him. Strikingly handsome, he looked at least a decade younger than his 61 years. Running and doing chores on his rural property kept his body lean and muscular, and his face betrayed few traces of the anguish I knew lay in his heart.
James met me at my car, and as we walked toward the restaurant he put his arm around me. I felt a shudder of excitement run down my spine and I pushed in closer to feel his body. When we sat at the bar he swiveled his chair, pushed his knees against mine, and leaned in close to talk.
Our faces were pressed within whispering distance and I inhaled his scent. The drinks we ordered were superfluous; this was all a graceful dance of foreplay. The bar was teeming with a coarse-looking crowd of men and women who had deeply lined faces and leather jackets. The fact that we were completely out of place only heightened our excitement. We huddled and made witty comments about the antics of other patrons, parting only to fling our heads back in hysterics. We sat at the bar laughing and kissing, and before long James ran his hand up my leg and under my skirt.
On previous dates he had teased me about being a Puritan in public, but X-rated in private, but that night I made no attempt to be discreet. It felt mischievous to be strangers in a raucous tavern far from home in the middle of the night.
We reveled in escaping the constricting bonds of our everyday lives — him a lawyer, me a divorced single mother. Our behavior was an unspoken act of defiance against the taunt of age, and the gloom of funerals that had become a common part of our lives. Outside the restaurant James kissed me deeply and with a new fervency. We were passionately entangled while patrons passed by, and I whispered that we needed to go somewhere private. James began walking me to my car, and I assumed I would follow him to the adjacent hotel, or to his house an hour away.
When we got to my car he told me to get in the back seat. I refused, saying that my kids had left a mess in my car. James took my hand and led me across the lot to his immaculately clean Mercedes. James was right behind, and before I heard the click of the door closing he was kissing me. It was futile to fight the longing we had been feeling for the past hours. Soon, all thoughts of motherhood and what was proper disappeared. We had been together many times before, but that night we devoured each other.
In the days and weeks that followed we frequently reminisced about our romp in the car, and how it brought us back to our adolescence; a time of freedom and endless promise, a time before responsibilities and painful regrets. My analyst and I grew more intimately connected each week of treatment My entire body feels tense, not ideal for the setting.
I try to relax, but the plush leather couch crumples under me when I shift, making the movements extraordinary. Of course it has. On the surface, when the patient has been highly selective of the discussion topics, therapy always resembles a friendly get-together. I so supremely wanted this not to come up. She quickly and convincingly pointed out that I work rather hard and am, ultimately, paying my bills on time, that I have friends, an appreciation for arts and culture, and so on.
Then Lori heightened the discussion a bit. I was too insecure and too single to handle such a compliment from a beautiful woman. I shrugged my shoulders, only half looking up. I laughed a little, uncomfortably. She gently explained she could tell the day I walked into her office for the first time, after I flashed a bright smile and casually asked where she was from.
Lori snorts, rolls her eyes. I smile, shake my head and look around the room, denying acceptance of my own ridiculous reality. I look again at her stark blue eyes, prevalent under dark brown bangs, the rest of her hair reaching the top of her chest, which is hugged nicely by a fitted white tee under an open button-down.
Do you bend me over and take me from behind? I take a second to let the red flow out of my face, and ponder what she said. So I go home, incredibly turned on and completely unashamed. In treatment I came to realize that all people have contradictions to their personalities.
In my case, my extreme sensitivity can make me feel fabulous about the aspects of myself that I somehow know are good my artistic tastes and cause deep hatred of those traits I happen to loathe the thirty pounds I could stand to lose. My next session with Lori is productive. One constant is that I put crudely high expectations on others, mirroring those thrown upon me as a kid.
Then, a week later, Lori mentions it, and I become tense again. There were two ways to find out:. Here we go again. Lori, ever intently, peers into my eyes, wrinkles her mouth and slightly shakes her head. We both know the answer to that question. All I can do is stare back.
I see what she means. When our sessions finally resumed, I could not wait to tell her about my budding relationship with Shauna. Plans happened magically without anxiety-inducing, twenty-four-hour waits between texts. Her quick wit kept me entertained, and I could tell by the way she so seriously spoke about dancing, her chosen profession, that she is passionate about the art form and mighty talented too. Shauna is beautiful, with flawless hazel eyes and straight dark hair, spunky bangs and a bob that matches her always-upbeat character.
She is a snazzy dresser and enjoys a glass of whiskey with a side of fried pickles and good conversation as much as I do. So upon the precipice of my return to therapy I told Shauna about Lori, and admitted to having mixed feelings about what I was getting back into.
The first two sessions of my therapeutic reboot had gone great. Lori appeared genuinely thrilled that I was dating Shauna and could see how happy I was. I stuff the cat food back into the Tupperware and toss it into the refrigerator.
I make my way into the living room, angry at myself for not changing the settings on my new iPhone to disallow text previews on the locked screen. I can tell she regrets looking at my phone without my permission, but I completely understand her feelings. On my walk home, instead of being angry at Lori, I understand her thinking behind the text. A patient may in turn contemplate that a love is blossoming between them, and, in fact, it sort of is.
This takes genuine care and acceptance on their part. In employing countertransference — indicating that she had feelings for me — she was keeping me from feeling rejected and despising my own thoughts and urges.
Atlas has an upcoming book titled The Enigma of Desire: Atlas explains that there are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed between therapist and patient under any circumstances — like having sex with them, obviously.
What do you do with that? Do you deny it? Do you talk about it? How do you talk about it without seducing the patient and with keeping your professional ability to think and to reflect? I ask her about the benefits of exploring intimacy in therapy, and Dr.
Atlas quickly points out that emotional intimacy — though not necessarily that of the sexual brand — is almost inevitable and required. Atlas says this topic speaks to every facet of the therapeutic relationship, regardless of gender or even sexual orientation, because intimacy reveals emotional baggage that both the patient and therapist carry with them into the session. In order to be able to be vulnerable, both parties have to feel safe. After I briefly explain all that has gone on between me and Lori, Dr.
Atlas steadfastly says she does not want to judge too harshly why and how everything came to pass in my therapy. Maybe I wanted to interview Lori about erotic transference in my therapy sessions for that same reason as well…to stand out as the most amazingly understanding patient ever. In order for Lori to advance in her field as a social worker, she has to attend 3, conference hours with another professional to go over casework — kind of like therapy quality control.
We talk about all of this during one of my scheduled sessions, for the entire hour — and go over by a few minutes, too. It can become a cycle of behavior that Lori seeks to break.
I refer back to the time when, unprovoked, she brought up my attraction to her. There was no in between. Lori noticed that I was frustrated with myself and wanted me to know that an attraction to a therapist is so normal and happens so frequently that there are technical terms for it. I turn my attention towards the presence of countertransference in our session. Lying in bed with Shauna a few months into our relationship, I ask her what she thought about me the moment she first saw me.
She says she liked the fact that I was wearing a blazer and a tie on a first date. She adds that I was a little shorter than she anticipated, but was content with the two of us at least being the same exact height. I explain that my insecurity could often get the better of me in dating situations. It seems my emotional workouts in erotic transference were just beginning to produce results.
But, so you have a full understanding of how this works, we can date. The difference this time is the answer I want to give is on par with all of my involuntary urges. Would Lori and I really be compatible in every way? Would she ever see me as a lover, a partner, an equal, and not a patient?
Could I ever reveal a detail about myself, or even just a shitty day of work, without wondering if she was picking it apart and analyzing it? Frankly, all those questions could be answered in the positive. Work payments that were past due are finally finding their way into my bank account. As it turns out, my short-term money troubles were not an indication that I had no business being a writer, or that my life changeup was as irresponsible as unprotected sex at fourteen years old.
I took a mental step back from my current situation and realized that in spite of my recent hardships, I was succeeding. Countless couples have tackled the taboo subject of racy videos and illicit orgasms. This story features explicit situations that may not be suitable for all audiences. An opportunity presents itself.
I slip my right hand down my pajama pants and move slowly, careful not to bump my elbow into his side rib, or bring my hips into it.
Too much movement or sound will wake him, and to be found out for something like this is not just embarrassing but potentially destructive.
And who wants to fuck someone they pity? When it comes to pricing them we often add a charge for pain and suffering, if they seem intent on offending others. As for the sticker, when i bought my truck i had one on the back. I thought the original was better, but whatever. Keep your sticker on bud, just cover it up and people will shut up. Free speech and all, but… Really? This calls into question so much more than I think you are realizing.
Also, WOW, there are so many comments on this thread already. I am so sick of people completely misunderstanding the concept of free speech and also completely not understanding how polite society works. Furthermore, this is a private employer. In fact, the government-as-employer is treated similarly. Actually, there have been lawsuits over dress codes, tattoos and the like. To be fair, free speech is a political concept and could apply to private organizations like if a company is censoring conversations regarding a union.
And even then its has limitations. The decision to fight its removal says more about him to me than the sticker itself. It says he cannot see the forest for the trees, he cannot prioritize decisions, he cannot follow basic directions…the list goes on and on.
I could agree with that. The sticker makes him an ass; refusing to remove the sticker makes him an idiot. The OP also indicated that complaints had been made by co-workers, and that HR had talked to him about the anti-harassment policy. By itself, the sticker is bad. That gives the company the right, and in fact the duty, to deal with the matter. People with opposed political leanings or VH haters who?! Some extreme political stickers do indicate hate towards women, minorities, a certain religion etc.
A big fat-shaming, woman-demeaning sign in their lot is definitely not something they want associated with them. The reason for this was obvious: If someone saw a sticker that offended or hurt them on their way in, how would they feel assured that they would get fair treatment?
You have the right to express yourself in whatever way you see fit, OP, and everyone else has the right to judge you negatively for it. I admit, as a fat chick, that if I saw that sticker I would merely read it for what it is: Also, his girlfriend is very, very lucky they are no longer in a relationship. He clearly did not respect her and possibly, women in general and who knows what else that poor judgement would lead to.
Seriously OP, you sound like a douche. Did you really expect people to back you up? How old are you, 19? I think the sign is terrible, and can be considered harassment of women for a protected category medical reasons but if you do not want to take the stupid thing down, get a magnetic sign and put it OVER the thing at work. Your employer has the right to make the workplace safe mentally for the women who work there and do not want to be made to read that garbage.
Not every presently thin woman was always that way, and every woman I know, regardless of size, has received unwanted comments on her body. And as a woman who grew with brothers and no sisters, I take a lot of issue with women being singled out for criticism over men. The only thing I liked about that letter was the fact that your company is putting the kibosh on this right quick. OP, not all women are responsible for the actions of ONE woman.
You cannot tar and feather everyone in sight. Secondly, you chose to date this person in the beginning, no one forced you, it was your own choice. Lastly, if you are going to put a sign on your truck for every time someone wrongs you, you will need to save up to buy a tractor trailer. You will have many signs. Life is not always fair. Very little doubt in my mind. She wised up and moved on. If he did actually initiate the break up why does he need to retaliate? If his intention is to retaliate against himself I have to say mission accomplished.
He hit the target. Bullying and belittling people for their physical attributes is just awful, period. I knew a woman who drove one of those trucks. If this boy showed up in this truck with this sticker to pick up any of my thin, beautiful friends on a date, I can guarantee you the date would end right there.
Dude, that sticker is serious babe repellent. So, at the very least, your sticker is inaccurate. I say he should put up a new sticker, class it up a bit, a Shakespeare quote, from Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing: A sensible diet and exercise can turn a fat girl into a skinny girl.
I hope your manager follows suit. Of course, that would come with being extremely mortified and embarrassed and sorry about offending anyone else. I think most people have made one stupid break up mistake in their life when emotions were high, learned a lesson, and handled all other relationships with some class in the future. Maybe OP is 19? And sounds vaguely like he feels entitled to a relationship, which is something that should be addressed.
I totally missed this! Bad judgement all over the place. Typically, yes, at that price-point, the graphics span an entire front or back windshield and are visible to all from ft. I started my ad agency career in print, and decals of this size and expense were frequently requested, albeit for branding purposes rather than shaming purposes. I am glad that more and more schools today are moving toward deeming such things unacceptable. Those poor people are being overshadowed by the giant year-old redwood that is 2.
I assumed 2 was just trolling the blog. Hard to believe that someone would actually do that and have to ask what Alice thought would happen. I am going with this. Sometimes, I have to believe that people are trolls just to not face-palm myself to death.
Furthermore, employers have rules and expect their employees to follow those rules. I once worked for a company with a strict dress code. Choose your battles, people. I once house- and pet-sat for a week for a good friend from work. Her 19 year old son had a VW Bug that was super low to the ground.
This particular guy might be a troll, but this type of guy is definitely out there. Younger people grow up around that kind of behavior and recreate it, etc. Man, which just made me realize that his friends and relatives have to see this, too. Dude, take it off.
Multiple sites sell these stickers. OP, I hope yours is diamond encrusted…. The way OP describes it, I imagine it is a giant decal that goes across the entire width of his windshield along the top edge. Does he not realize how any people he drives past who think he is an idiot? I guess it might depend on where he lives. If you and many other employees around you are looking for work, could you spearhead some kind of weekly skill development group?
I would start with updating or creating instruction manuals for the job. If you do lots of types of data entry, you could organize different part for co-workers to do. Then, you will be busy making something useful while developing leadership skills. And our procedures are set by an external body — we just comply with them. I used to ask for more training and tasks, but I was usually given the brush off. We have eight people in the same role with their own markets, but with significant cross over.
As time allows you can add sections with alternate methods for handling the same issue. Is there anyway you could ask to start training as a team leader or to take on any of their work? Have you expressed an interest in moving up to your boss.
Have you asked what the next steps are if you were to move up? I would suggest that you stop asking for opportunities and just do it. Find a book about some aspect of your industry. Find someone interesting or even not that interesting to shadow.
But basically, from what you say: If there is truly nothing to fill that time, which I would find hard to believe in most cases but could be, you need to decide whether this job is what you want to be doing. I should have used my time more wisely but it was an unhappy fit. Anyway, it turns out I was expendable, along with a lot of the duties I was performing. Same result, and every one has their own preference — how annoyed would you be if your coworker told you not to right click, but to use shortcuts?
About two years ago I took it upon myself to do professional development in my won time, and started a business degree online. This actually bit me in the ass, when I applied for a lateral transfer into a different role within the department, and was told that my doing the degree made it seem like I had one foot out the door. As someone who has been into fitness his whole life, I find your sticker disparaging fat women as disgusting, offensive and incredibly immature.
You put that sticker to retaliate against your now ex-girlfriend? What are you, 12? Stop being a jerk, and take off the sticker. Perhaps this is more about you than it is me. People with an inferiority complex do this all the time. Not only did he get dumped, he got dumped by a fat girl! I think people subconsciously do this way more than they think. Your girlfriend was damn right to drop you if you think that making fun of people because of their size is okay.
And your manager is right to ask you to get rid of it. Or indeed, any girls. They were advertising their ability to print on t-shirts, so they printed up a t-shirt with a Demotivational poster… it was a bunch of grads sitting waiting to be called up for the diplomas, and they all looked exactly the same except for one girl who was showing off excellent legs.
Are there options for you to become more mobile, even for limited stretches of time? Maybe you just need some professional advice on how to manage your condition while traveling.
Maybe you just need some additional accommodations while on travel for your condition, and maybe your workplace would be willing to pay for those extra accommodations in order to get you through this training.
All I can do is try to relate your brief, detail-free description of the problem to my personal experiences. My mother is in late-stage heart failure. Feeble as she is, she can manage trips as long as there is someone around to accompany her, and as long as she can go at her own pace.
Would having a nursing aide or someone like that at an extended stay hotel make this manageable for you? Do you need strict diet control that you could achieve if you cook your own food?
Is it the travel itself take a train instead of fly , or the destination, or the duration? Is there some medical equipment that the company could rent for you? If the issue is a regular treatment of some sort, would it be possible to arrange to have it in the other city during the training? Another thing to think about — is it really just this one company that offers the training? Are there others who might be closer to home? I just wanted to mention that a friend arranged to have dialysis when traveling so I know that some medical treatments can be set up in other cities.
Yes, it was a hassle, but he traveled out of the area at least twice a year. And yes, I know of at least one company that only does a certain training at one location, take it or leave it. Can be very inconvenient if you need that specific certification. Two thoughts — could you manage the course if it were 2 x 1 week courses?
Could they allow you to take week one with class A, and week two with class B the next month? People in hospice or ill traveling hours in the car for weddings, funerals, anniversary parties for close family.
Wheelchair, oxygen tank and all. It probably would have been easier for him to go for several weeks with planning, rather than just a 3 day trip with 2 days notice. I have a friend that has it and she is always reluctant to travel because she never knows what might set it off. I think my friend would feel a bit cornered knowing that she had to do this. As someone with a chronic illness, it drives me insane when I ask a question relating to the logistics of my disability and people start telling me what I may have.
I know it seems nit-picky, but it adds up over time, you know? And that was the intention of my response. Honestly, I thought your response showed a lot of compassion. I think Anonymous first comment in this thread has some good ideas, and I hope some of them can help the OP. I used to love traveling, but lately, every time I do, my stomach gets really messed up. I had to go out of town again last week, so I thought I would try something new to see if it helped.
I called the hotel, and they agreed to put a refrigerator in the room for me. I always pick a hotel that has a kitchen. I might steer clear of that place if you have other options because that sounds terrible. So many red flags popping up before you even interview is a bad bad sign. However, if someone mentions studying Italian language, history, cultural traditions, etc.
Sometimes you have to sand off the rough edges in order to get along with everyone else. OP 2 makes me not want to go on the Internet anymore. No offense alison but i think 2 should have been a stand alone post. How did u get through life being such an idiot? This is actually related to your post…: The book is good because it also gives some good advice on how to fix any of your bad habits or help people you manage overcome theirs.
It might be worth looking into. It seems helpful so far. Or at least it was for me! Will Irish people be viewing your application? I was coming down to say the same thing. Americans of Irish descent and their ideas of the old country. My father was born in County Kerry and his family moved to Canada when he was 6 and we still laugh at the poor American who tracked down his Irish roots only to find his most closest Irish relative was in N.
It is like me and Japan — I love the country for all that is good and bad and understand that it is more than samurais, ninjas and manga. Now, my rant — what is up with green beer and green soda bread on St.
Especially when real, Irish beer and real irish soda bread 9both of which are most defintiely NOT green unless sotred improperly are a much tastier alternative? And why should anyone want to kiss me because I am Irish? For decades, the Irish were discriminated against in America and had a hard time even finding work. Same for the Italians, the Germans, the Polish,..
A few decades passed, and people started honoring their ancestral heritages again think Alex Hailey and Roots. So I always try to wear orange on St. Most acquaintances just look at me in confusion, because all they know about Ireland is green on St. Of course Patrick was Catholic — that was long before Luther. Insulting to real Irish? I heard that it stems back to the fighting between the Protestants and the Catholics.
BUT, I live in America. He purposely wore orange on St. Green beer is frankly insulting to anyone who enjoys beer. It is almost as bad as chocolate beer but that is the worst because it ruins 2 good thigns at once. Ireland, wearing orange can signify that you are an Orangeman a. The fact that modern Ireland both the republic and the north are moving away from this and it is only the fanatics left fighting and no longer bombing.
So, in short, to the an Irishman holding a grudge about someone wrongly imprisoning or killing a political prisoner, wearing orange would be insulting but, I hope, enough time has passed that we are all getting beyond acting on that anger. Growing up in smalltown Ontario, the local Orangemen were a racist group. From what I have learned, in Canada, the Orangeman evolved here to be a hate group who, among other things, believe that the only thing worse than a Catholic is a French Catholic.
The fact that I have one grandfather who was an Orangeman in Ireland and the other a French Catholic has been one of those things that just never made sense to me but thankful to have moved beyond it. Thanks for the input! This was actually my concern for mentioning the courses, Gaelic football, etc. I think I decided, as another poster suggested, to focus more on the technical skills of the job and past work experience, and then add the cultural experience as more of a side note.
So that might help. Hi OP, just wanted to say that the fact you not only took some Irish Studies classes but were also a TA also suggests more of an intellectual interest and engagement with the country that goes beyond stereotypes and fangirling.
Good luck with the application! My suggestion for phrasing it in your cover letter would be to say something like: In college, I was a teaching assistant in the Irish Studies department after having studied Irish language and related subjects. Having background familiarity with the circumstances of the job from a non-professional context is not an unusual thing to talk about in a cover letter and will likely be seen as an asset. Plugging the Outlander novels by Diana Gabaldon — read them now and fall in love with them too!!
Erse is an archaic term so it makes sense that it was used in the Outlander series! They may have the same roots but have developed differently. The new book is March according to her Twitter feed.
I think they are trying to time it with tv series in some way. One of them, Scots Gaelic, is often referred to as Gaelic. But Irish is never called Gaelic. I am of no Irish descent at all, but received my Masters degree from Trinity in Dublin.
Irish heritage in the diaspora is clearly a very sensitive thing for some people, and in the US is basically a thing of its own. My mom has been to Ireland; her sister lives in England and used to have a cottage there. She said it was indescribably beautiful. I am going to put myself out there… how did this come about? Why these sentiments towards Americans? Is it just Americans or do people from other nations provoke a similar response from Ireland?
My grandfather is from Killarney and we have a little bit of Irish tchotchke around the house and we all got claddagh rings for confirmation. I know the Irish born hate it, but who cares? No matter what you do someone somewhere will hate it. And can people please stop with the freaking green beer on St. You have now confirmed it. We have so many similiarities, right down to where our families are from in Ireland, that it only makes sense.
Of course, you are also Irish Catholic, so maybe not as my Dad is a Prot. People generally see the world as those around them where they grew up. Ahhh… a level of informality that could indicate a lack of respect. Is it just Americans that do this?
Though my maternal grandparents were both Polish, and I never claim to be Polish or even know much about the culture. Jamie, we Irish wear claddagh rings too.
There are plenty of cultures Americans in general stereotype and exoticize the heck out of. We get painted with a pretty broad brush ourselves sometimes…no culture is immune from this or immune to doing it to others. Ireland has changed a lot in years and some of it changed faster than over here. My Irish grandmother, who was 10 years older, grew up with running water, electricity and graduated high school. Yet, my Canadian family had to go away to be involved in war and conflict whereas my Irish family just crossed the channel to help England we are Anglo Irish, not Celtic.
So, the deprivations experienced were quite different. I also think that part of the probelm is that there is still a lingering racism towards the Irish in the way it is fetishized around St. When I look at some of the displays, it is like they are celebrating a mythical culture of time long ago and not one that is living, breathing and evolving. I never see celebrations of the peace treaty between the IRA and Northern Ireland nor do these celebrations ever include the Anglo Irish who have been there longer than most whites have been here.
If you are Irish, then it is automically assumed you are celtic, living in a croft in the middle of nowhere that your family has lived in for generations. My aunt, who was raised mostly in the US and speaks with an American accent, was walking down the main street in a small town.
She was lost, looking for a particular shop, and stopped a priest who was passing by. Well, I have no idea why your job is in danger. Clearly you are mature, level-headed, and good at making decisions. Would later be a better time to share it anyway? My reason for oversharing was different, but the questions still work. Like AAM said good managers will address it without a problem. I had a similar experience recently—it was job I wanted so badly despite the red flags.
My want for it as well as the pay was clouding what all my sources was saying. And it was all in sync from the time I put in my application to the time they called me in for an interview which was exactly 1 month prior to a new system conversion.
I expected it to be more client-facing. As a subordinate, this is the best advice. While the manager just maybe expressing concern or being transparent, that employee now feels these issues my affect work.
I think that is great advice! I had a manager once who would spend the first hour I arrived at work venting to me about work and personal things. Made my worklife horrible because I started the day stressed out. I once had a military man explain to me thatone of the jobs of good management is to act like an umbrella, protecting their people from whatever stuff the people above throw at them. If done well, the employees will never know what headaches they have been saved from having.
Need a new tool? Having issues with X department? Groups tend to go in the direction of their leadership. If their leadership is frazzle and messy, guess what the group is going to be? I am not much on venting. Venting is like dumping out some trash along the side of the road. Workplaces are not dumps to unload stress. But that is a different discussion.
Conversely, I have no problem with a person who is clearly looking for solutions and is telling me the particulars of what needs fixing. The difference is venting goes on and on with no solution on the horizon. Everyone in the whole place gets to hear the sob story over and over. Nothing is ever resolved and each day the story gets worse. I have no problem with a person who quietly asks one or two people advice on a matter.
The inquiring person either uses the advice or develops an idea of her own and life goes on. In general, I think it is a good idea for supervisors to routinely ask their employees questions.
As soon as I had this 5 min. Hmmm, those are really two different things. Yeah, I think I was so disappointed by that one incident that I mixed these two issues together in my head.
Your original answer to the post actually reframed the problem in pretty well: So you actually nailed that. Now I can focus on that. Projecting calm when under fire: Speak less and listen more. It will make you look very intelligent. That seems counter-intuitive, I know…. When you do speak, go directly to action plans: Delegate parts of the clean up— everyone wants to help but no one wants to get shot over it.
Let them know what they can do to minimize the fall out and that is okay to help. After the dust settles: Do you have thoughts on that?
Be patient with yourself. If you cannot be patient with you, then you cannot be patient with them either. The more tough situations you encounter the more your surefooted-ness will grow. This does not happen over night. Ask questions, apologize when you are wrong and thank them for helping out. I had a job where i was routinely blindsided by stuff and there was constant chaos.
I decided to swim, not sink. I had to train my brain to say thank you because I was sooo caught up in all the goings-on, it was easy to forget. And I had to ask them questions because i could not see all the aspects of a problem on my own.
It was quite a humbling experience, actually. When I started feeling humbled, I started becoming their boss. I understood the limits of my power and the limits of their power.
I would hope I would not be sitting next to this guy if I worked with him. For instance, if you use Word, research macros or even just shortcuts for your particular field and create a set you would use on a regular basis. You could also see if your company would allow you to take management training classes, or additional training in various management areas that could help you in your role and in future promotions. I agree with this response to 1 so much!! I was in a really similar boat.
Later when I was interviewing for a new job, my interviewers were always impressed that I was able to use my down time constructively without needing direction. In an interview, I was once asked about what I did when work was slow. It was awesome to say that I took an advanced online excel class and found a way to use everything I learned at work.
You know, I read that question thinking you were expressing a political opinion or something worthy of defense, but instead you want AaM to defend your choice to objectify women instead? Ugh, I had to work with a co-worker once who had the truck nutz. Yeah, I had the same initial reaction, and sympathy for someone who was probably the political or religious minority in their workplace getting grief for having an opinion and expressing it in a pretty low-key way.
You are an enormous jackass. Be thankful that the training is offered at all. I work with and support a very large ERP system, and have tried numerous times over the last couple years to enroll in a training class for a particular application. What really ticks me off is that the cancelled training sessions have all been online. When I complained, the reason I was given was that if the enrollment does not hit a certain level, the class is cancelled because it is not cost-effective to have it.
But the cost of paying an instructor to lead a class from home or office location has to be much lower, so why apply the same enrollment thresholds? When I ranted about this to the person unlucky enough to get my ticked-off phone call, his suggestion was to ask for a private training session, where an instructor would come to our site and lead a class.
I did something similar in an internal interview a large part of the department had been outsourced a year or so before I interviewed to move into what was left , and it went over just fine. Otherwise, just stick with talking about the things that you actively do that show your interest in Ireland and working with Irish students. Sorry, the second one should be 7. This is what I get for checking AaM before the coffee has kicked in. Your bitterness and stubbornness is now on display for everyone to see.
Not only is this not helping you move on from your break up by putting a physical reminder of it literally in your face as you drive around , you are broadcasting your emotions to the world in an offensive manner.
If this is really how you want to be perceived to the world, then mission accomplished. Is there any extra training you can sign up for? When I was bored at work two jobs ago , the company training system would let you sign up for pretty much anything you wanted, and I got some great training on how to be a good manager, how to be a good teacher for adult education, etc.
Also, do they have a corporate library, or are there any books or journals available that are relevant to your industry? You can always read. Can you talk to your doctor and see if there is any way they could help you out temporarily? Yes, yes you can. Every day that you are a manager, you are on stage. That is how much scrutiny you get, every damn day. Also, employees will talk amongst themselves and there is bugger-all you can do about it, so realize that what you feel may be a friendly conversation in confidence, most likely will be broadcast to the entire company by lunchtime.
Put the stuff about your Irish culture experiences last. Then frame it as a kind of bonus at the end, the way you would if you were writing a cover letter for a job which also happens to be a hobby for you. People like being asked for advice and feeling that their boss values their contributions and expertise. So not only do you get the feedback, but you improve the relationship at the same time. Worst over-sharing I ever did as a manager: I was having a really horrible, terrible, no-good very bad day, in which everything that could go wrong, did.
After a while I decided I simply could not hear another goddam bad thing for a while, shut my office door and blasted heavy metal while shouting at the computer. One of the kids entry level engineer knocked on the door. I slammed the door, hard. Signed the form, apologized to her, but still.
I got a permanent rep for having a temper. I mushed over-sharing, displaying anxiety, and asking for feedback into one question. I think you have some good questions and suggestions here in your first paragraph.
Even I get short tempered at work if enough upsetting things gang up on me…Sometimes I think of it as: I think he has already spoiled his professional reputation. I would take one look at the image and I am willing to bet there is probably a bush bar or spotlights on that truck too , judge you as an idiot redneck, drop your IQ by 20 points before you open your mouth and wonder why on earth you are working there.
I saw dudes like you back home all the time. Grow up and realize that this is not the hill you want to die on. First, I loved your rant. Is that a Canadian thing? A hick is uneducated, narrow-minded because of the lack of education and is quite happy to never know more. I consider myself a well-educated univeristy degree and conversant in 3 languages , well-travelled redneck who knows a hick when she sees one. I a fat chick used to date a guy that was into real, actual off-road driving.
And while yes, you want big tires so you can more easily crawl very slowly in a VERY low gear over very BIG obstacles , you want the truck itself to be as low as it can be while still getting clearance over those big tires.
No one asked her to remove it. As a former honor student and former teacher, I think its totally tasteless. What about an openly racist slogan? Would you be willing to deal with the morale problems the rest of your employees would suffer, being confronted with something like that? Would you be willing to risk the hostile-workplace claims? Keep copies of all correspondence with your company regarding this issue, and keep them at home rather than at work.
Also keep copies of any performance reviews, kudos, or other documentation that shows their level of satisfaction with your performance. As I wait for my comment on 2 to be approved, I had another thought. Reading this blog has taught me something. It seems there really are 2 schools of thought. Some people think that whatever you do at work or outside of work should be able to be policed by your employer. For example people think its fine that a teacher gets fired for being photographed with alcohol because they represent the school.
So I think this is an extreme case which will elicit strong opinions, but its going to come down to which side of that argument you fall on. I think the sticker is in bad taste. BUT, if he did offer to cover it up when on work property, that should be the end of that. Its kind of like an offensive tattoo. If you want to wear it proud outside of the office thats fine, whether or people like it.
I think your job has every right to ask you to cover it up while there, but for them to ask you to get it removed is something different. Wow, can you not read or something? Where did you see that I defended it? I defended his right to put what he wants on his property. I said if the company wants him to cover it up, he should.
BCW has expressed himself well without insulting anyone and without hiding behind an anon tag. Would it be possible for you to create a Username so we can be clear on who you are when you comment so we can debate you properly rather than wondering if you are just a troll?
But if he does do it, I think it should be the end of the problem. If he did it when first asked, it should have been the end of the problem. The problem is the OP has already created a hostile workplace. The people complaining know the sticker is still there. By the same argument though, even if he removes it now, people have already seen it and knew it was there. That said, if I was an employee of this place, I would feel more comfortable working with the guy if the sticker had been removed vs just covered up.
But offering and failing to do so, or passive aggressively just leaving it in place, is a problem. This gets to the heart of the matter. He wants win this fight and get validated for his douchebaggery. If this was really just about keep the damn sticker, he would have just started covering at work ages ago. The problem would have been solved. He is in a game of chicken with his manager and now wants validation from Allison. The 1 sign of an immature person is that must have outside validation for the choices and beliefs.
I live in Chicago. If we hired a new employee and they had a confederate flag sticker on their car, I may not like it, but I would still say that it is their right to have that on their property. Now if he was making racist comments IN the office, its a different story.
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Actually serves the plot as she introduces the protagonist to the Hoodoo that was practiced in her family.
Those poor people are being overshadowed by the giant year-old redwood that is 2. There are loads of different scents as well. As I said to Forrest way below, certain choices highlight certain character traits.
About two years ago I took it upon myself to do professional development in my won time, and started a business degree online. The Badger 's best friend, Riley Thorpe, hits on most cylinders of this description, but he is given a good bit more personality and independence than the average black best friend. Dating website theme free not that you're angry at her for having something good, you're just more my best friend wants to hook up with me that it hasn't happened for you yet. Maybe that will get her out of her own head for a sec to realize there are ways to mitigate the smell matches, scented candles, Febreeze, Poo-Pourri, etc. No one would dare say a guy was at fault for being a victim of a sexual violence because his pants were too low, you know? My husband has Crohns disease, and has been in your shoes before. There were two ways to find out:.
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